The Rules:

Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged.

1. What I was doing 10 years ago:
Learning how to add ad subtract?
doing what 6 year olds usually do?

2. What 5 things are on on my to-do list for today:

Play newly bought saxophone -drool-
Watch the movie :"The Number 23"
Talk to Steve
Read a book
Go to bed

3. Snacks I enjoy:
Chocolate
Crisps
TEACAKESSSS

4. Things I would do if I was a billionaire:
Buy a house, and a grand piano.

5. Places I have lived:
Scotland

I now tag.....

alecweston

BananaMan

bloggymarvelous

prydwen

These last two months have been the most shocking two months of my young, adolescent life.

Firstly, I have moved out of my mothers house in a desperate attempt to find a taste of freedom and trust, none of which i found at my previous address - which is all it known to me, as of now - and I am now staying at my step-dads house, just a five minute walk from my work and a bus ride to school.

I have been accepted into University, which I am ecstatic about, and I finish school for ever in 18 days, as of today. I didn't know my life would properly start so soon.

Currently I am Studying Higher (A-Level) History, Biology, English and Music and hopefully I'll get the two passes I need in order to continue into University in Perth. Now, I know you're all thinking why Perth? Well! Not only is it the most beautiful city I have seen in a while (minus Dublin) It is the furthest University than my course in available at. The further away I can get from here, the bloody better!

Me and Steve, haven't been closer.

We have booked a holiday for the 4th July to the 10th, in the town of Largs, a lovely little boating town that is so peacfull. I'm going to enjoy myself thouroughly! Believe me!

Other, unimportant news? I came 3rd in a world wide weekly quiz called "Trivia" at a local Chat Center, I was dead chuffed! My best friend would rather hang out with her boyfriend than me, but to be honest, i know what it's like, I'm cool with it. Here, I'm talking like I know it all, far from it.

It was nice to receive a wee e-mail from my good friend (you know who you are) It was nice to talk to him. And I've realised my perception of this world, of people has completely altered to my contrasting "let's judge everyone because im a teenager" mode. The world is such a pretty place and when i read my friends e-mail i could see the simplicity and innocence, not in an offensive way. But I can't trully describe what i picked up from his words, other than softness, a pureness about it, which I must say comforted me slightly.

When I was walking home from school today, there was this lone lampost, the only thing on this street with sun shining brightly on it. If i had a camera, i would have taken a picture. Once I have saved up enough money for a new Saxophone I'm sure as hell going to buy myself a wee camera so i can share and show the innocence and prettiness held subtley within our world.

That's all that seems to be on my little mind this afternoon. I hope you all had nice dinners, I had lasagne.

Totally the blonde one

Today! Yes! It has been done

And the beginning of my exams means that Steve's visit to come see me is ever closer.

And being the true scots lass that i am, i didn't even know it was Robert Burns night...ha. And no, to those who have asked, I have not visited his wee house yet - even though shockingly i live 5 minutes up the road, if your ever there, you can pop in for some tea

My english prelim...hmmm maybe I got a C? maybe

I think everything else seems to be ok I will need to dye my hair again soon

This is the creative story i wrote for my English teacher, handed it in today

It was dusk. Time was a fantastic performer, his particular performance today included marching on and running out even with the pleading encore from the audience. It was nearing the hour in which my father would slash his way through the door and disturb the almost peaceful home.
Like a casting shadow, I felt presence draw ever closer as I stood trembling, bare footed in the cold hallway trying to dust the units. My mother was breathing heavily as if trying to hold in the mournful cry she had bean copressing for years. She was a weak woman but very beautiful, with long sandy hair and big emerald eyes. Her hands were carefully washing the dishes, her body twitched nervously but her mind was elsewhere, and i respected her bravery.

"His job takes a lot out of him" my mother tried to explain
"Takes what out of him?" I had asked, "The truth?" I held the dampened ice cloth to her forehead and dabbed it lightly, fearing i would break her.
"You don't understand..." she whispered underneath the stinging pain. But, I did understand. My father was a renowned liar, everything based on his ever growing list of deceit and cruelty; his home, his wife, his son and most definitely his job.

As expected, right on the dot, he thrust his body through the doorway. He walked in such a way, that is tall slender body looked as if it was dragging unbearably heavy weights which i had always pictured as the ever growing mass of guilt that slowly piled on top of him. I side stepped out of his way, not attempting to look or talk to him; avoiding confrontation and making life more awkward than it already was. He stalked his way into the kitchen, and I ran upstairs hoping I would reach the comfort of my pillow before the thud sounded.

"You must be proud of your father?" asked the woman with the big round glasses. I laughed. "My father..." I began, "owns power that doesn't belong to him. He is as artificial as a plastic Christmas Tree - nice to look at and of some over-all use but serves no real purpose" I smiled. The doctor noted down many things. She was on his side. He paid her after all. "So let's go back to that time..." I sighed. "Why did you do it Trey? What made you so angry that you couldn't confront your father directly? Is it lack of affection? Are you not getting enough attention?" I looked at her, almost sympathetic to how blinkered she had become under my father ruling. As like the many, many times before that she had asked me this question, i sat in silence until the hour ran out.

My pillow was warm. It comforted my body and my mind, I thought of chocolates and robots. Thud. her body had dropped, and even from way up here, I would hear her weeps and her tears strolling down her pretty face and falling to the kitchen floor. Chocolates and Robots, chocolates and robots...
The morning had came at last. The house had had little or no sleep, and my father had left. I could hear the television from the living room. Peering in, I saw my mum sitting comfortably on the sofa. "hey mum..." i said softly.
"Look Trey...your father's on T.V." she replied dully. I looked at the set and then back to my mum. I sat next to her and listened to the babbling reporters question the disruption of one of my fathers previous conference, one i knew too well. "Mr Prime Minister, is it true... I had heard enough

Again.

All over again.

Just when i thought things had got a tiny bit better.

My mother seems to think that everything i say is either a lie, a story or just pure "teenage" shit. Apparently, because i belong to that group of peers, i don't have a opinion, i don't think, i don't learn, i don't matter.

For example. At the dining table, we were discussing politics or something, i stated that because I had something personal against it, I didn't see myself voting in the future. My mother flipped, said that it would affect me directly and i was like, "I'm well aware." She started arguing about how that if I didn't vote it would immediately affect their pensions. Isn't it OK to have a personal opinion any more? I asked her. Her words were something like : "This is my house, so my opinion rules." I smiled.

For the third or so time this week, I've been getting into trouble for nothing. And I am being totally serious. Nothing. I just give up sometimes. I'll be out soon enough though.

I can honestly say, if i could get away with it, i would kill them both. A bit strong...i know. But really. I don't like being here...

Apart from that, school has been a bit iffy. I've set up a study timetable which will officially start tomorrow - hopefully ha.

I feel a little better. =)

It's been a while. No other reason for my absence than that I've been too lazy and busy with my work.

I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling right now. It's a new feeling. I feel free, but, alone. I have loads of people around me to talk too, hug share etc, but I have never truly felt so alone like I do now.

I had to trek the 3 miles to work and back today, but the walk won't do me any bad. On the way back, i was in a dark place. I wanted to jump onto the road many times. I don't know why... I wanted to walk down new roads and just go anywhere but home. I thought i saw a bridge and then i thought a lamp post was falling. I swear I'm going insane. I looked at what i had going for me. What do I have really?

- Steve?, i love him with all my heart, and when I talk to him I'm so happy. But it's an awfully long wait and i can't take my family much more...

-My Music?, Sure I like playing. Three more years of learning how to do something, just to work hard, get money and pay the bills...

-Freedom?, this sounds good, but how much would i really have? Too many rules...

There is just too much noise...my head is spinning, sore and confused. My mum hates me, don't say she doesn't she does, she's told my sister and others many a time. Peter (third dad) hates me, talks to me like I'm a fucking piece of shit, I ask him often why he is allowed to talk to me and treat me that way and why I am not allowed to return it, his answer? "I'm just a kid." apparently. My sister doesn't want anything to do with me, and likes to see me getting into trouble.

I have put myself down for every working day available, just so i can get out of this shitty house. I have no money left from work, cheekily spent it all on myself and chrimbo prezzies.

The world is very pretty if you look. Even all these silly companies, they look beautiful in the dark. Whilst strolling home, humming tunes like an insane hobo, i looked at all the trees and the homes and the moon and the frost sparkles and i counted my steps (only got to 100) i thought hard about nothing and everything.

Sometimes i think that Steve is the only reason I want to wake up every morning, because frankly I don't see any other reason too. I'm happy enough, but, i am alone. Sad in the inside. I love my job, so many people wishing me a happy Christmas, showing me a little bit of respect, the might not know how much respect they are even giving me, but that "good morning" or little smile, just makes me feel good. You get the occasional wee idiot, but they might be feeling exactly the same as me, and i let them get on with it.

Sometimes I don't want to wake up.

Well, remember that job interview i went for? I got the job.
Ok, all fair and dandy I'm sure, but with it's fixed shifts from friday to sunday, I'm going to have no free time with friends. Working from immediatley after school on a friday till 8pm - i guess i could go out after that, depending on the weather, Saturday I'm working from 8:30AM - 6:30 PM and Sunday the same. It's only till christmas I guess, but I will have school for...socialising...i guess :S

Anyway, I've got to go get ready for school. Jazz Band today. Hoora!

I just want to thank the whole of my friends on blog. I may not have been here the whole time, but the last 18 months of blog have been amazing.

From a lovely e-mail from my good friend and uncle (lol) Alec i have came to realise how much i have matured as a musician, a student, a daughter and as a Natalie. I look back and see all the pain, happiness, laughs, scares and embarresingly cring-worthy moment, and i just want to smile.

The world in beautiful, i see it ina totally different light. I can see myself, waking up in Perth, playing my wee heart out on my saxophone, making lucious meals is which i could savour the tastes forever, hugging my dearest Steve and never wanting to let go.

Today, is the start of my life.

I have always judged people. From the beginning of adolesance, I have constantly judged people for what they say, do, wear ot listen to. I can honestly say that I used to think i was better than everyone else, but since i met Steve, all I have been able to think about is him. What used to annoy me in poeple no longer does. I defend people from other judgers. Eeveryone is different, fashionas are idiotic, if you like it, love it even, then do it, wear it, scream it from your soul, there is no wrong.
Steve is one of the most amazing, wonderful and caring people I have ever met. We used to rarely talk, and honestly when we did, he almost scared me, in the good way! Then, I don't know what happened, suddenly we became insepearable. Everything reminds me of him. I smile randomly when i do think about it. We talk nearly everyday - about whatever, what i got up to at school, what lovely activities he done during the day or sharing and comparing opinions, and just generally to in the company of each other.
He is funny, even if he's not trying to be. He makes me laugh and i just want to hug and hold him all the time. It hurts that I can't see him, even though we barely live an hour away from each other.
He has very strong opinions, almost inimidating to begin with, but after i listened to what he was saying it really did make alot of sence, I can't explain it as well as he can, but I do understand. From what i can see now, i was planning a life, living to 'survive' not to 'live'. Where would be the fun in that? Love, is one thing that we all need in our lives, makes the world a happy place.

I don't know how long I've known him, but it feels like forever, i honestly don't know what i'd do without him. Even if i wake up and I'm in a very bad mood, thinking about him, and knowing that I'll get to talk to him when i get home from schools, makes the pain and anger just dissapear. I get as excited and giggly as a toddler on the night before christmas.
It's true. I love him. From the pit of my heart and the core of my soul, I love him. I want to please him while making myself happy at the same time, and the thought of waking up with him beside me makes me want to weep with joy. I just want to hug, kiss, care and enjoy life with him, surrounded with the greatest and most passionate love.

I remember the first time he told me he loved me. I believe i was very close to crying. My heart stopped and there was this surge of energy passing throughout my body and i grinned the biggest i ever have. He speaks to me like I'm royalty - sees me as perfect, which i know is far from true. I love him more and more every day. It hurts alot that I can't call him mine for now.

He has a passion for poker, and I believe he can make it. I have a passion for music, and he believes I can get far. He is my motivation, when i play, i play for him. When i am studying, I am studying so that i can be closer to him. It gives me the confidence i did not have in the past, something to aim for almost.
I have six months of school left. We are hopefully going to move in together when i (hopefully) get accepted for Perth College. I need two Highers plus an audition and interview. I hope I will get what I need. We don't even want much in our flat. No Tv's, no phones. Just a bed, a fridge, a cooker and a computer and we'll be just fine. A flat filled with love. OUR flat filled with love. Our neighbours will hate us

Things can only get better from here...after all...It's just a ride